OK - so I am finally starting feel ungroggy enough to update the ankle blog - surgery went well, but it sucked...lots and lots and lots of pain...and it didn't even start the way it was supposed to - let me go back to the day before the surgery...
On Wednesday the 11th, as I was finishing my last day at work until I recover from surgery, my husband Joe was supposed to get his chest tube taken out after lugging it around for a month. When the doctor went to pull it, my husband started to get dizzy, short of breath and started having chest pains. His doctor decided that the best thing to do would be to take him back to the hospital to make sure everything was OK as they thought maybe he was just having a bit of a panic attack or in shock of the tube being pulled. Well, turns out, air got in his chest somehow and his lung fell again. So the doc decided to put in a small pic tube and put him back on suction until they could figure out what was going on and they could get it fixed.
So I spent the night before my surgery by my husband's side knowing I would have to go into the next day without him, again.
On Thursday the 12th, I checked into the hospital at 11am and try to keep my spirits high knowing the my husband was being taken care of and that the only thing I can do for him is to get myself better. By 12:30-1 pm I was being wheeled into the OR getting prepped for my ligament reconstruction of the left ankle. I was probably asleep within 5 minutes of being put on the table...
The next thing I knew I was waking up still in the OR, I think they were still putting my cast on (the thing is freaking huge)...all I knew for sure was that I was in excruciating pain. They took the tourniquet off my thigh, which was placed to prevent bleeding during surgery, thinking that was causing me the pain. Then I was wheeled into the recovery room, crying as I could not handle the pain...they tried giving me a couple different pain meds through the IV but nothing was helping. So finally, someone got smart and gave me a nerve block...and let me tell you, that was not a fun process. They have to shoot electric shocks into your muscles to try to find the right nerve, when they hit the right nerve, I almost jumped out of the bed and punched the anesthesiologist. I was already at a 10+ for pain - the shocks sent it blowing through the roof! But about a half hour later, the pain finally subsided to something that was MUCH more tolerable. Now I just felt completely drugged and sick to my stomach (the pics aren't pretty, but because I want to be truthful and honest about my experiences, I guess I am willing to share...ugh...).
The ride wasn't fun, the bag became my shield to protect my car from disaster...I got home and very slowly inched my way to my recovery bed in my brothers room with the help of my mom and brother. My dad was at the other hospital keeping my husband company and keeping him updated as the went day on. I don't remember if I talked to him that night or not. I got through the night...OK...the nerve block definitely helped but all the drugs made it hard to sleep completely so I woke up with every little noise that creaked through the house... And I was having the strangest dreams and feelings - like things that were going on around me but weren't really happening - people poking at me, the house shaking, all kinds of weird things...but I managed to get some sleep.
Day 1 Post-Op
I woke up feeling really swollen, not just my foot, ankle and leg, but my face too - yeah not the best picture I have ever taken. My guess is it was the hours of crying in pain before I finally got the nerve block. The nerve block managed to hang in until around 11:30am even though the anesthesiologist said it should wear off around 6am....but when it wore off, I definitely knew it...I was, yet again, in excruciating pain. As much as I tried, I could not handle it. So my dad ran to the pharmacy to fill my prescriptions. Ofcourse, not even this could be an easy process because I have to wait for them to get approved by my insurance company before I can get them because of their addictive nature or something, I don't know.... So, I am stuck taking what I have until Tuesday, which is not working too well at all. It's amazing how my doctor can write a script for this medication, basically telling them that he approves my use of them, but my insurance company can hold it up causing me to be in more pain...FUN!
The Nerve Block Site
So I have been trying to manage my pain with elevation, frozen towels wrapped around my leg and the pain meds I do have. It has not been a fun process...I can't move without being in pain, I keep getting these muscles spasms near my ankle which are just killing me...and i am so shaky that even trying to make it down the hall to use the restroom calls for someone to be standing by my side so I don't fall over. All my senses became so intense that I couldn't even stand the sound of someone clipping their nails behind 2 closed doors or my parents having a normal conversation downstairs... So eventually someone brought me a pair of thick headphones to try and drown out the noise which finally let me sleep.
Day 2 Post-Op
Well, that was a better night of sleep, and the anti-inflammatories definitely helped. I woke up early, feeling more pain and took some more meds and then fell back to sleep for a long time...I don't think I was actually awake until 12:30 when my mom came in to let me know they were headed to the hospital to see Joe. It wasn't until later that I found out that his lung collapsed
again! Apparently, the doc thinks he may have yet another bleb (air blister) under the surface of his lung so they want to operate on him again on Monday...this time they will actually open him up (last time was scopically) and then actually use talc to glue his lung to his chest wall...this is all just not seeming fair right now...and just not right. We shouldn't both have to have 2 surgeries each within a months time...if it has to happen why can't it be when one of us is healthy enough to take care of the other, like it's supposed to be??? But, my mom says he seems to being doing better than he has in a month, and his spirits, despite everything, seem pretty high...in fact she says he's doing better than I am right now. I mean, I know I am in a lot of pain, and people just spent 3 hours digging around in my ankle and moving things around and drilling holes in my bones and everything....but he's the one about to have his chest opened up and put back into ICU with yet another chest tube....how am I the one who is doing worse right now???
The Huge Cast
So, now hear I sit, Day 2 Post-Op....about an hour away from Day 3 Post-Op, still in pain, still not being able to get up from my borrowed recovery bed, still wanting so badly to be able to go see my husband in his hospital bed, and feeling quite hopeless... As much as I want to see him, I know I can't because I know I can't handle the pain....I can't even handle the trip down the hall without being in excruciating pain...how am I supposed to be able to handle going all the way downstairs and get into the car, take the 40 minute drive to the hospital and sit, leg not elevated, next to his bed, knowing I still can't be of any help to him....but it does ease my mind to see him and know for sure he is OK...
This whole ankle process sucks to begin with - this whole situation that surrounds my particular experience, really makes me wish that this was all a really bad nightmare and that I would wake up... But, I have to keep telling myself that it could always be worse, that we don't have it THAT bad (I guess) and that I have to be grateful for the things we do have...our love, my family to make sure we are taken care of, and hopefully that our youth make this easier to heal from, in more than one way...
As we will every day, we will see what tomorrow brings...
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